Pork Talk 5th May 2019

PORK TALK

TIC TOC HOME ROUND

Club fine *

Vic Park Pigs clubman Stephen Bertocchi (Tic Toc), who died from an asbestos related disease is remembered through the Best Clubman Award and also the annual Tic Toc Day where all Pigs players wear board shorts in his honour to remember his contribution and his untimely passing.

Also, this week all Pigs wore black armbands in memory of Daryl McLauchlan’s (Mad Dog’s) Dad who lost his battle with illness in hospital last week. Commiserations to Daryl and his family.

The Masters, without Henry, Adam, Johnno, Jose and Coops took on the Garden City Bulldogs and were immediately under the pump. Despite Dale getting his hand to the ball at the centre bounces, the Dogs were getting the upper hand and pumping the ball to forwards like Tim Smith * who was running around like an unregistered Bulldog. Smith could have kicked five in the first quarter if he wasn’t so unselfish, a trend from Pete Maloney that seems to be catching on across the comp.

Despite their ascendancy, the interesting thing about the Dogs was that, like One Nation, the longer the game went, the more they argued with each other which made for some amusing viewing for the Pigs.

The defence was under the pump but younger, larger Fred was doing an excellent job of controlling the ball at half back. Catchy followed up his solid efforts at Ellenbrook and Rocko with an excellent display of desperation football. You could see a competitive fog descend over him during the game as he took on all comers in this best on ground performance.

Dan Mangan took an exceptional contested mark against strong opposition and continues to use his size and skill every week. Tommy, Gav, Anton, Fugly and Shayne all had their moments but we couldn’t beat the Dogs of the bulldog breed and they licked the dish clean.

Juniors

The Juniors took on Quinn’s and it looked a lot like footy training, without beer and Johnnie’s Shit Raffle. Of most interest was how many goals Pete Maloney would kick. Orders came out from the bench that we wanted ten from him, but he only ended up with 9 goals after he handed out two in the goal square. A new campaign is being run with Pete getting counselling, its called Stop Handballing It or (SHIt) for short. One holding the ball decision went against Pete * as he attempted to handball but sadly Pete missed the ball entirely. Unlike most Auskickers, he’s had very little practice at this basic football skill.

Erwin Edinger * , whose name is straight out of Wolves of Wall Street, and Ty were getting clean ball out of the middle, making this match look suspiciously like one of Boydy’s more simple training drills, except the Juniors could actually execute it properly.

Seniors

Mako Sharks in the wild reach speeds of 65 kph and often crush their prey when they attack. The Mandurah version are just as ruthless, training twice a week, holding best and fairest awards, and generally taking the game overly serious while they make mince meat of their opposition. However on this day they met their match! The Seniors put their best performance of the year in for Mad Dog in this shark cull.

Sparkles Narkle *, having been inspired by his Nollamara mates including David Wirrpanda, was on fire, and took a speccy one handed mark on the run. There is a fine for showing off when two hands would have been sufficient Sparkles. Coach Eaton * took a handball so wide from Boothy * it put him under the club shade sail but probably the highlight of the afternoon was Mal Cowell * who took two bounces down the wing before finding a target. The only downside was that the first of these bounces was clean off his scone. Mal was very elusive on the wing in Masters and Seniors, being harder to nail than a Clive Palmer election promise.

With Billy Walker on the bench briefly, the backline was shorter than an anti vaxxers life span, with the 5 foot nothing Dackers standing at Centre Half Back. However Dackers*, who was still getting over the Blues latest flogging, has been telling Julie for some time that size doesn’t matter.

Special mention to PK * for the ugliest pair of board shorts on the day but a close second was Boydy* who only bought his banana shorts in Orlando because Brooke said he couldn’t. Boydy was a standout having now recovered from his South Pacific piss up.

All in all, the Pigs gave the Makos a good porking without baited drum lines, and Coach Eaton thanked all Seniors after the game for their sterling effort and in showing pride in the Pig jumper in what was probably the best performance at the club this year.

Best on Ground was Mad Dog, who ran his guts out and played a great four quarter effort in his Dad’s tribute game. It was a great day on the field, and all players rehydrated with copious amounts of Emu Export electrolyte fluids while the riveting Crows v Dockers clash took three hours of our lives we’ll never get back.

An unnamed Senior (hint: initials Darryle Martin*), worked tirelessly on the BBQ all day most of it spent cooking up his own personal T Bone Steak and condiments!! A team player is Darryle.

A review of the GPS data showed Jet Maloney * covered over 14km on the day, not bad for a 15 month old. He shows a lot of promise for the Pigs of the future, being available in the Supers in 2053.

Best Comment of the Day was heard over the champagne swilling at the WAGS table: “Is this the last game for the day?” Response: “Was there football today?” * Fine for all WAGS as they got in some serious pre-Bali training. Its lucky their new drinking mugs have a 10 000 drink warranty.

President Coffey said he was very proud of the efforts of its volunteers on the day, with special mentions to: Darryle on erecting his big circus tent with Boothy; Boothy on his horn all day; Prez, Peely and Catchy also on tent duty; Tongey on hot chips all day; the cheeky kids in the canteen; Dakkas, Nick on BBQ duty; Nev and the regulars on the bar; Nadene on tatts and Fug for scaring the kids and hugging young women in his Pig suit. Apologies to the many helpers I’ve left out.

See you at Mandurah in 3 weeks.